My girlhood is in
Shredded cuticles
And torn notebook pages
Ballads in my room
Where rituals take place
And the ground is littered in relics
It’s when I’m
Chanting and scheming
Under the cover
Loathing myself until I am
Obsessed with myself
Obsessed with myself until I am my God
Then preparing to detest myself
all over again
Anthemic in essence
I abhor being a teenage girl so much
That I worship it
I despise it with such intensity
That I crave it
The fixation burrows inside of my tissue
And eats away at my flesh
Until I am rotten on the inside
Until I am hollow and filthy
I await adulthood impatiently
Yet I want to remain this way forever
Stained cheeks and sallow eyes
Hot skin and fiery voice
And one day she will be gone
And I will be left to remember her
And in my remembering
I will mourn her over and over again
For her lies and for her golden hair